Happy Fathers Day!
It’s very hard to know where to begin to tell you about The Old Man - my dad. I don’t remember exactly when or why I started calling him that, but the title stuck. Before anyone gets offended let me assure you that no disrespect is intended. In fact, I am the only person allowed to refer to him that way; not even my children are allowed to refer to him as the ‘The Old Man.’
Once when I was in college my friend Loren informed me that I had received a letter. As I opened the letter I announced that it was from “The Old Man.” Another friend was immediately offended and began to lecture me on why it was inappropriate and disrespectful to refer to my father that way. My friend Loren just smiled and said, “show him the letter.” As instructed, I handed over the letter. At the bottom it was signed “The Old Man.” At that moment my friend’s lecture turned to stunned silence, as my friend walked away shaking his head in disbelief that such a thing was acceptable.
Somehow that seems typical for The Old Man. Let me assure you that ‘typical’ is not a word that immediately comes to mind when talking about my dad! Allow me to prove my point by sharing with you our father and son discussion about “the facts of life” or “the birds and the bees” or whatever phrase your parent may have used. I can still see him sitting down, looking me in the eye and saying, “Women don’t look like men, they don’t talk like men, they don’t walk like men, they don’t think like men and they don’t react to things the way that men do. The sooner you learn to realize and accept this fact the happier you are going to be.” To be perfectly honest, I can’t to you exactly what was said after that, but those words I remember. Over the years I told this story to men and women alike. Regardless of their sex, most of them admit that my dad is a pretty wise man.
If those people had any idea how right they are. In addition to the “men and women are different” lesson, from one man I learned about psychology, philosophy, theology, sociology, ethics, physics, electricity, defensive driving, self-defense, and how to fix almost anything with a pocketknife and duct tape! All this from a man who didn’t do well in school and despises most teachers! But don’t worry, God has a sense of humor – I grew up to become teacher!
Yes I learned a lot from my dad. One of the first things I learned is how absolutely frustrating he can be! When I was growing up I would often get called down into dad’s workshop in the basement. I would get called down so he could ask the same frustrating question, “What’s different?” He would change, move or rearrange something in his workshop and then call me down and ask me what was different. I would have to stand there until I had guessed correctly. Eventually, I learned to pay attention so that I could answer correctly in seconds. Years later a martial arts instructor would tell me that, “awareness of your surroundings” is your best defense. He didn’t know that I had already learned that lesson in dad’s workshop long ago.
By the way, the lessons haven’t stopped. Every time I visit my parents I still get called down into the basement for a lesson on something. The difference is that now, having benefited from earlier lessons, I go much more willingly.
But don’t think dad is any less frustrating. Heaven help the unsuspecting teacher who ventures into my dad’s office and asks to borrow a pen! “Where’s your pen? Didn’t you bring a pen? Didn’t you think you were going to need one? Don’t get upset with me! Aren’t these the same questions you ask your students when they ask you if they can borrow a pen?”
Trust me, the last thing you need is someone who is clever enough to fix a car with a golf tee upset at you. No kidding, the man fixed a car with a golf tee. He plugged a hole in a vacuum hose with a golf tee until he could get it fixed properly. Then there was the time he fixed a car with a Sucret’s can – but that is a totally separate story! Let me tell you what its like growing up with someone like this. Most people try to learn how to think “outside the box.” I went to college and learned there was a box!
Once when I was very young and had a very high fever. I was miserable and dad called from work to check on me. Over the phone he told me he had something for me. He wouldn’t tell me what it was (did I mention my dad can be frustrating!). All he would say is that it went “blub, blub, blub.” I couldn’t wait until he came home at lunch to find out what it was. I asked mom but she either didn’t know or wouldn’t say. Finally, dad came home with a battery-powered tugboat. I sat in the tub and played with that boat until I looked like a prune from head to toe! It wasn’t until much later that I learned it was all a ploy to get me to stay in a tub of cool water to help bring my temperature down.
Let me assure you that there is very little that my dad does that is random. I finally learned that lesson when I became a parent. I found myself watching other parents and their children making mental notes of what I observed. I was surprised to find how many parents tell their children they are stupid or dumb. It got me thinking. I spent days and nights thinking back over my childhood. I could never remember a time when my parents had ever told me once that I was stupid. What did remember was my dad saying the same thing to me over and over and over, “You’re smarter than that.” Time after time, I could picture him telling me that I was not stupid, that I was “smarter than that.”
You know if you tell someone something often enough they start to believe it. I often wonder what the world today would be like if we had an entire generation of children growing up being told “You’re smarter than that,” instead of, “Your stupid.”
There are many more stories, but one of my fondest comes from the time when my dad and I co-taught an eight-week computer class at the local community college. During one of the breaks a couple of students were discussing their two teachers. They commented that we often finished each other’s sentences. The funny part is that unless they happened to be watching us instead of their computer they often didn’t notice! I’ve always thought that the man who hated school would have made a fantastic teacher.
Every once in a while, my dad will show me something he has purchased and comment that he has once again spent part of my inheritance. What he has spent is money. What I have inherited is a lifetime of lessons; Lessons full of knowledge, wisdom, and love. Some of these lessons I am still trying to master, even as I try to pass them along to my own family. I once heard a motivational speaker say that as a father you should not tell your children how to live, you should show them. I often wonder how and when he met The Old Man.
